


Saviour

by Cuillere



Series: 15 days of Hurt and Comfort Kylo (Tumblr, @hurtkylofest) [10]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, LFF Comment Project
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-30 01:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13939323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuillere/pseuds/Cuillere
Summary: Ren is abused by Snoke and finally, someone comes to save him.





	Saviour

**Author's Note:**

> This is for days 10 and 11 of @hurtkylofest !! :) I had started to write this yesterday but I really needed some rest so I stopped quite early on, and went back to it today, noticing that my idea could fit both prompts :)
> 
> The prompts are Day 10 - Sick - Rey rescues Kylo/Ben Solo from Snoke and Day 11 - Nightmares - “Stay with me! Don’t you dare leave me now!”

Ren’s lower back hurt. He probably should have gotten used to it by now, but it still sometimes disturbed his meditation. He briefly uncrossed his legs and straightened up, leaning his head back to extend as much as he could in the small space It brought some relief to his back, and one deep inspiration got him back on track.  
  
—  
  
Ren couldn’t really say if or how time was going by. He was cut off from the Force, his meditation room was pitch black and there seemed to never be any activity anywhere nearby.  
His only measure of time passing by was himself, and every aspect of that was modified by the deep, nearly-constant state of meditation he was in. Even his thirst was distorted. He usually only drank when he was waking up, as his needs were not yet dissipated by meditation.  
Even though he didn’t know how long had passed, when he woke up now, he was more feeble and hungry than when he had started and he couldn’t smell the stench anymore. The free-running water was less satisfying than it had been, too. He gulped down a few handfuls and splayed water on his face. He was lightheaded and he would need concentration for his next exercise, meditation.  
  
—  
  
There had always been shapes and colors behind his eyes - or in the room, he could now barely tell if his eyes were open or closed - but he started when he saw a full face, hurting his head against the stone. It broke the impression and it was gone, but it had brought uneasiness to Kylo. His father couldn’t be a ghost of the Force, could he? And even if he was, Ren shouldn’t be able to see him now.  
  
—  
  
Ren was quite positive his dreams were getting worse. Not necessarily in their content, but they made him feel worse. Was that a normal effect of prolonged meditation? He couldn’t tell. He wished for an instant that his meditations would be over, and scolded himself for the thought. He knew that it would not stop before he was completely comfortable with it. The fact that he craved for it to stop was a sign of his failure. He was already failing.  
He tried to stop his sudden distress and guilt with a few deep breaths. Once he was calmer, he opened his eyes and moved his hands to the water.  
He drank a few sips and applied his cold hands to his face and neck.  
When he got his head back up, his parents were there. Well, he knew they couldn’t, so he must have been dreaming. They started screaming over each other at him. He didn’t make out more than a few words.  
“Failure”  
“Traitor”  
“Weak”  
There was one sentence that they seemed to both agree on, though.  
“I wish you weren’t my son”  
  
Kylo couldn’t help crying as he put his hands to his ears to stop the awful sound. He wished himself awake, trying to convince himself that they were not real.  
When the sound suddenly stopped after a while, his breathing was ragged and he was sweating.  
  
Relieved that it had simply been a dream, Kylo took a moment to calm down, before going back to sleep, exhausted.  
  
—  
  
Despair and guilt curled Ren’s inside in a knot. He couldn’t breathe and sobs escaped him regularly.  
It was his fault. He had made Luke go away, he had suppressed Ben, he had killed Han. And Leia was crying. He had not been here for her and he had killed the most important people in her life. He was the source of her sadness and disappointment.  
He had always been a source of worry and trouble for her. Even before he became Kylo.  
She had always felt the darkness in him, even before he was born. She had always been scared of his future.  
He had always brought trouble home, too. Either by getting into fights or defending his opinions too harshly.  
Becoming Kylo, he had made all of her fears happen.  
Her eyes were wet and it looked like she was supplicating him to come back. But he was not the one she was begging to get back.  
She wanted her son back.  
As much as he wanted that, too, he knew it was impossible. And the thought broke him into pieces.  
He wanted so much to be able to just hug her, smell her, and feel like he was forever protected from all harm. But that was impossible.  
He could never again hug her without thinking about that day she had abandoned him.  
Yes, she had thought it was for the best, and for his own good, but it still had felt like that. Like she had given up on bringing him up, on taking her of him. Like she had given up on him.  
She had never had time to visit him there, as much as he could feel her sadness when they talked about it through the holo.  
  
And Luke had changed so much around him when they had gotten to the school. He had left with his uncle, but he had arrived there with his master.  
The thought gave him a shudder.  
He had always seen a flicker of worry when Luke had looked at him. But from that time on, it had turned into a sort of fear.  
  
He could never be with her again. He was not her son. He could not be comforted by her scent and her arms anymore.  
  
“What has he done to you, Ben?” She was saying.  
  
Leia was trying to hug him, in order to bring him back. But he couldn’t. He fought her weakly.  
  
“I’m only here to help you, let me.” She said again.  
  
But he couldn’t let her help. She could not help, and he didn’t want her to believe she could. She had been hurt too much already.  
  
“You can’t. I’m not Ben anymore.”  
  
“I don’t care. I’m here to help you.” She repeated.  
  
Kylo opened his eyes. She was exactly like he remembered, a fierce beauty, a determined woman. She would get what she wanted.  
  
“You should care. You’re gonna get hurt. I’ll hurt you.” He still tried.  
  
“I’ll stop you.” He heard her swallow the name she was about to add. “You can’t hurt me with that on.” She gestured to the collar.  
His hands went to his neck and he felt the Force-suppressing collar that Snoke sometimes used on him. He shouldn’t be wearing that. Why was he wearing that?  
  
Some stormtroopers barged in, disturbing his thoughts. He couldn’t have them hurt her. He needed to deal with that himself.  
  
“Don’t hurt her. I’m dealing with her.”  
  
But they ignored him entirely and rushed to them, weapons out.  
  
She left his side and prepared to fight them, bravely. Ren got his lightsaber and growled.  
  
“Why don’t you listen to me? I’m commanding you to stop.” And when they didn’t, he rushed to them violently. “Fools, I’ll show you to respect me.”  
  
He slashed them through and, out of breath, got some rest by the door.  
  
“You’re coming with me.” She ordered as she approached him.  
  
He didn’t find it in itself to fight her order.  
  
—  
  
Ben was finally lying down in the shuttle, resting. But he still had a sharp fever and his sleep was agitated. The foul smell around him still gave her nausea from time to time.  
  
Rey had set the autopilot and she was free to take care of Ben. She hesitated to take his collar away, because she didn’t know what the shock could provoke, and he was still delirious. But she was regularly re-applying a fresh cloth to Ben’s skin.  
  
She had known he was cut off from the Force, but she had not imagined his situation to be so bad. And she had imagined him not wanting to be rescued, but she hadn’t imagined him to be so weak and sick and delirious.  
  
It really was a surprising sight to see this force of nature lying down in bed, all skin and bones, deep shadows under his eyes and twitching with his delirious fever-induced nightmares. It was a heart-wrenching sight, too, and Rey couldn’t help but feel guilty that she hadn’t insisted more when she could convince him to come with her. That she hadn’t been alarmed earlier by his strange behavior.  
  
But now was no time to sulk. She had to bring him to the base, for doctors to see him.  
  
Once again, the thought of getting the collar off of him brushed her mind. Being connected with the Force could probably help him heal, but the effect on his psyche was unpredictable. She certainly couldn’t afford a delirious powerful Force-user in such a small ship - or anywhere, really.  
  
She had already seen him obviously trying to fight Snoke’s guards. It had been a pathetic sight. Ben had gotten his saber out but had not turned it on - which was probably for the better, because he may have hurt himself had it been on - and had slashed through the air around her, apparently getting rid of his opponents because they should have obeyed him. Snoke probably had given orders before he fled. He may even not have been conscious of who they actually were. He probably had not.  
  
She got up to get the soup she had prepared for Ben, stretching her legs and testing the soup for warmth.  
  
When she got back, she reluctantly woke him. His eyes were still glassy and she was quite sure he had not recognized her.  
  
“There, you need to drink this.”  
  
He nodded weakly and drank a few sips, letting some soup fall around his mouth in his eagerness.  
  
“That’s warm.” He breathed, as if surprised.  
  
She nodded to him, not really knowing what more she could do, or how to talk to him. After a few breaths of silence, she wiped his face and offered him some more soup. He accepted it again and put some more on his face. She wiped his mouth again. His was still a pretty boy, even with his carved-in cheeks and weakened body.  
She turned her eyes away, blushing, and starting to get up. But Ben - as weakened as he was - still had quick reflexes and caught her wrist.  
  
“Stay with me!” It sounded so much like a supplication, she felt her heart break a little. It must have seemed like she was hesitating, because he added: “Don’t you dare leave me now!”  
  
She fell instantly back on the chair and let the cloth fall to the ground as she brought her hands to his cheek.  
  
“I’m here Ben. I’m not going anywhere until you sleep.”  
  
He breathed deeply and had a shy smile, before leaning back into the pillow. “Thank you.” He breathed. She could see his mouth form the next word, left unsaid as he fell asleep once more. “Mom.”

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:  
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